Blogger confession to readers: I’ve been cheating on you

Dear Blog Readers, I have a confession to make.

I have another blog life. That other blog rarely received adequate attention over the past year, either, so you shouldn’t feel jealous. You both were neglected. Until…

Something happened last week.

A shift in my mind that was as subtle as setting down my manic crochet hook, closing the manuscript I was critiquing for a local author, and opening a neglected manuscript in my laptop digital files.

I’d been crocheting for the apocalypse for weeks after Christmas. That is how I cope with difficult things happening in my life: I get creative with fiber, paint, pencils, or whatever; make a floury mess in the kitchen; get dirt under my fingernails; or remodel our house (more on that expensive grief reaction another time). Or all of the above in one day.

I was filling the bin with handmade gifts for next Christmas (and just in case there is a complete meltdown of society before then, I’ll need more scarves and washcloths).

I even thought Gee, if I sit here until next fall, I could fill a booth at the holiday craft fair! Wouldn’t that be fun!

I made the 3rd scarf you see for my dad. It’s red, gray, and black. Not pink like the photo kinda looks. He’s forgotten that he used to wear a scarf skiing. Now he wears one when we walk on brisk days.

My dad’s mother used to give me and my brother, Wes, new scarves at Christmas. They were usually ugly and didn’t match our ski bibs. She’d never been on a ski slope, but she knew we were a snow bunny family.

The model the scarves hang on is a vintage/antique wire bodice in the room my mom decorated as a guest room – Victorian style. It sits in the corner by the window displaying a very old, delicate camisole. It looks Victorian, like a corset cover. How sad I never asked my mom about it.

What did all that crocheting lead to?” you ask? “What’s the point here, Bonnie?

I self-published my first book on Amazon! I’m an “Indie Author” now!

Crocheting did this to me. It cleared things out; made room in my mind, body, and spirit for me to be able to return to a project that I had wanted to publish for a few years, but had stalled.

“How does that work?” you ask? How does crocheting make room to publish a book?

It’s mindful creativity.

Here’s how it goes:

sitting on couch with fresh steaming coffee next to me. hook and yarn in hands. pattern easy, it’s in my head.

yarn over, put the hook through this stitch space, yarn over, pull through, yarn over, pull through all three loops (HDC = Half Double Crochet). put the hook through the next stitch. repeat 32 times. 32 total stitches.

1,2,3,4,5,6 what’s that I smell, looks up. hmmmm, dog?

damn, how many stitches was that? don’t panic. sips coffee.

goes back, counts, 1,2,3,4,5,6. okay, keep counting, bonnie.

7,8,9,10,11. my phone dinged – it might be important! it’s 6am after all!

nope, spam text.

where was i? recounts.

repeats stitches and brain distractions until she finally reaches 32 stitches.

recounts row to confirm.

31. dang. missed a stitch somewhere.

pulls stitches back to the missed stitch.

finishes row without further mind, thought, or environmental distractions.

sips cold coffee.

Mindfulness: No judgment. Just keep going. Keep counting. Eventually (in a year or so – hopefully before the apocalypse), you enter a zone where interruptions are easily ignored. You count louder. The thoughts, they’ll derail you for a time, but you get back to counting and keep going.

“What’s the book about?” you ask?

It is about private practice management. It’s for clinicians/therapists starting or struggling with their private practice. I conceived this guide and nurtured it as I grew my private practice. Other clinicians kept asking me: “How did/do you do it?”

I answered my colleagues for three years with a PDF that I continually edited and sold on my other blog website. The one I’ve been cheating on you with.

Last week I finished turning that PDF into an eBook for publication. Published.

Bucket list Item: Author. CHECK.

There’s no excuse for my disappearance from this space for the past nine months. You are always in the back of my mind while navigating life (and when I am crocheting and trying to figure out how to tell you about it!). I miss this space. I miss you guys.

There are other happenings that keep me away from you, too.

I’ll write about that eventually.

In the meantime, CELEBRATE with me!

Bonnie McKeegan, Indie Author!

My life has had a few ironic moments.

I closed my private psychotherapy practice last year.

The amazing Amazon thing is that this guide was received so well that it achieved high-ranking (Kindle eBook Free) Sellers stats during the first six days:

#1 in Psychology Reference
#1 in Practice Management
from Amazon

Stay with me. More to come that’s more fun than silly blogger guilty shame-filled confessions.

p.s. I originally wrote about my goal to publish this book here in this space Writing Project: A Quick Guide to Starting Your Private Psychotherapy Practice in 2020.


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