Quotes of Wisdom 34 Motherhood – Grief and Joy

“With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood.” ~Isadora Duncan American dancer, choreographer
“Born on May 26, 1877 (some sources say May 27, 1878), in San Francisco, California, Isadora Duncan developed an approach to dance that emphasized naturalistic movement. She was a hit in Europe as a performer to classical music and opened schools that integrated dance with other types of learning. She later faced immense tragedy with the death of her children and spouse’s suicide. She died on September 14, 1927. ” Biography.com

Motherhood is complicated.

It changes our bodies, minds, hearts, and our very spirits indeed. It changes our lives, forever.  Motherhood changes how we see and experience the world. For better, or worse, til death and beyond.

Heading into the Mother’s Day weekend I am mindful of mothers who’ve endured the death of a child. I am mindful of mothers whose lives are intricately woven with their children’s heartbreaking challenges. 

I weep for my mother’s loss, the death of my brother Wes, endured for the last 15 years of her life.  Mother’s Day changed forever.

I continue to journal about life after my mother’s death.  Writing down thoughts, feelings, and experiences allows the release of just a pinch of the grief; an ever so slight loosening of the grip grief has on my being.  Writing allows a healing, if only a speck, a moment at a time.  It allows the ability to get back to the ceaseless daily grind. 

I also remind myself that our boys were conceived on Mother’s Day 🙂 What joy the day brings each year!! The day spent reclined for hours after the procedure early that morning, waiting for a sign of life for what seemed days on end, then exactly a week later gagging on my toothbrush and wondering, “what the heck?” The pink line that confirmed life! Or was it blue? Funny how I don’t remember the detail that consumed me for four years in pursuit of it.

Twins bring morning sickness times quadruple 24/7 for months on end. It’s synergist and all about hormones in overdrive.  Ah, but I was only a week in, little did I know!

My mother’s joy flowing through the airwaves when I spoke the words over the cell phone, “mom, there are two heartbeats! I am serious!” while my husband drove us home after the ultrasound. I can see her huge smile; she’d be a grandma of twins! The same call to my mother-in-law, her pure joy for the second set of twin grandkids.

Those first months (um, the whole first and second trimester!) of nausea coupled with a ravenous appetite, of long days of home bedrest because of bleeding (the garden went to weeds), fear of loss mixed with joy and sagging relief when finding two heartbeats sounding through the monitor speaker, day after day.  Sometimes three times a day, for reassurance.

The pineapple. I couldn’t get enough pineapple. Fresh, canned, didn’t matter, just, “honey, bring me more pineapple, please.”

What melancholy this year, the first Mother’s Day without my mother.

Mother’s Day will be different this year.  Joy and grief mixed together; ah but it’s been that way for years.  I expect I’ll be up to my elbows in the garden all weekend.

Mother’s Day is complicated.   

Wishing You Joy This Mother’s Day 

My favorite rose in my mom’s garden.
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First bud on the rose I planted with tears running down my face the day before my mother died. It’ll open just in time for Mother’s Day. Thank you for sharing your love of gardening mom.

If you were touched by this post you might like Another 5 Things to Expect When Your Mother Dies (11-15) #breastcancer #grief #mom

or Quotes of Wisdom 24 – In My Mother’s Garden – A Rose in Honor of My Mom, a Courageous and Adventurous Spirit #grief #breastcancer #amwriting

or Quotes of Wisdom 20 Marriage Anniversary #amwriting

*Quotes of Wisdom – a Friday at 9am (Pacific Time Zone) series offering Wisdom, Feel Good, Inspirational and Thought-provoking Quotes. Sometimes with links and most likely, with too many thoughts of my own included.

As always, thank you for visiting! Feel free to like, comment, share, follow my journey or re-blog as your heart and mind desire. Namaste

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